Wives
THE MARRIAGE LIFE: THE WIFE'S RESPONSIBILITY
Wives Submit to Your Own Husbands
Learn to be Women of Prayer, Quietness and Productive Labor
Loving Your Family and Laboring for Them (Proverbs 31:10-31)
As we share these messages on the husbands and wives, you all have to promise not to use them as a “club” to beat your spouse with. These messages are not meant to give you ammunition to harass and oppress your spouse. Please make a vow not to do this. So, sisters, the word for husbands is to the husbands, not you. Sisters have to close their eyes! And brothers, the word for the wives is to the wives, not you. You have to close your eyes.
Generally when we talk about marriage life, somehow the sisters get singled out and talked to. The message is simple: “wives submit.” But it is interesting to note that the Bible spends more time to admonish the husbands than the wives. The Bible very much focuses on the husbands' responsibility in the marriage life especially since this is a picture of God as the husband nurturing and preparing His church as the Bride of Christ. Therefore, we will begin our fellowship by concentrating on the husband's responsibility in the marriage life especially seen through the context of Ephesians 5:23-28, 31. Ephesians 5:22 does begin a section on marriage life with, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” But the rest of the chapter parallels the marriage life and particularly the husband's role to the wife with the role of Christ to His church, His Bride.
Our pattern for marriage is the Triune God Himself! So whatever the Lord charges the husband to do is actually what Christ has already done. Whatever the Bible charges us to do, we have the person of Christ inside of us who lives that way. The Lord's relationship to the church is entirely spiritual, but it becomes the model for the husband's relationship with the wife. Likewise, the Lord's relationship to His church sets the model for the proper Bride and wife of the Husband, Christ that He would be the Head of the Body, His church as the husband is the head of his wife in the family life.
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Wives submit to your own husbands - indicating the husband's need to lead, requiring that the wife honor her husband, be supportive of him, respect him and obey him. - Ephesians 5:23-24
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord; 23 For a husband is head of the wife as also Christ is Head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the Body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything.
Wives learn to be women of prayer, quietness and productive labor in good works - 1 Peter 3:1-6
3:1 In like manner, wives, be subject to your own husbands, that even if any disobey the word, they will be gained without the word through the manner of life of their wives, 2 Seeing with their own eyes your pure manner of life in fear. 3 Let your adorning not be the outward plaiting of hair and putting on of gold or clothing with garments, 4 But the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptible adornment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is very costly in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner formerly the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being subject to their own husbands, 6 As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you have become, if you do good and do not fear any terror.
Knowing the female gender and its weakness
Seek not to stand out, but to pray
Seek not to be known, but to be filled with good works
Seek not to teach others by way of authority, but be an example in works
Cherish the gift of childbearing
Remain in faith, love and holiness with sobriety
Love your family and labor for them in such a way as in Proverbs 31:10-31
Your husbands heart may trust in you (Proverbs 31:11)
Your husband will prosper
Your family may be rich in conduct and virtue through your labor (Proverbs 31:13-22, 24, 27)
Making her husband well known in the gates when he sits among the elders (Proverbs 31:23)
Gaining the praise of her children and husband (Proverbs 31:28)
Thus making yourself full of strength and dignity (Proverbs 21:25), hopeful, with wisdom and kindness and you will receive the fruit of your hands and your works will praise you in the gates. (Proverbs 31:31)
PROVERBS 31:10-31
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms.18 She perceives that her merchandise [is] good: her candle goes not out by night. 19 She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing [is] silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes fine linen, and sells [it]; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honor [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praises her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. 30 Favor [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Continue with "Wives Submit to Your Own Husbands"
Wives Submit to Your Own Husbands
THE MARRIAGE LIFE:
THE WIFE'S RESPONSIBILITY
Wives submit to your own husbands - indicating the husband's need to lead, requiring that the wife honor her husband, be supportive of him, respect him and obey him. - Ephesians 5:23-24
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord; 23 For a husband is head of the wife as also Christ is Head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the Body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything.
Wives submit to your OWN husbands. Why? because he's the one that you do not want to submit to in your flesh. The wife's submission indicates the need of the husband to lead his own family before the Lord. God made a husband, even built him up, to be the head of the family, to be the leader. Ironically, what happens is the wife sees the husband's faults (which are many) she wonders how God can allow him to lead at all. This quickly creates an element that undermines the marriage life. When the wife dishonors her husband, even when he may give reason to do so, this undermines the marriage. It is easy to see the defects and problems in the husband and even question, “You're the head?”
On the wife's side, she needs care, comfort, understanding, trust and security with the assurance that the husband will do anything he can to support her in her walk with Christ for His purpose on the earth. On the other side, the husband needs to know that he is the leader, the head, ordained by God Himself in His Word. Husbands need encouragement and support through submission. Submission is not what is portrayed of in the movies where women are slaves or objects, but a submission to the Lord's will and His arrangement for her. This applies even when the situation is not the greatest because of the husband's faults or simpleness, etc. The submissive wife learns to pay attention to Christ and His commission to her rather than what would undermine the marriage. On the contrary she stands with her husband, supported him, upholding him. And when he makes a mistake she learns to stand with him and seek to find a wise way to help the mistake not become a mistake if possible.
1 Peter 3:6 describes Sarah's reverence to her husband by saying that she called him, “Lord.” Without such a view, the wife will undermine and become disgusted with her husband. This only makes it that much harder for the husband to love you as the wife. He feels naked, laid bare, when he should feel protected, supported and covered by his wife's affection and submission. As soon as the wife questions the husband, he feels threatened and naked. This is especially true in financial matters. Wives often press the husband concerning the amount of money he makes or the amount she has to spend. This is the greatest reason documented for divorce in America. God placed the husband as the head and when the wife will not support him, even in weaknesses or mistakes, he feels naked, alone. But when a wife honors, reveres and positively supports him, this melts his heart for her and enables him to seek the Lord. It make take time for him to realize the Christ displayed through his wife, but over time he will notice the honoring, the support as a person. For him to hear words like, “Honey, your such a good worker. You're such a faithful provider. You're a good father.” Eventually this kind of submission creates a husband's love.
Can we see the wisdom of the Lord in His sovereign arrangement? The husband needs to love his wife into submission (see previous message). The wife needs to submit unto the receiving of love from her husband.
Continue with "Learn to be Women of Prayer, Quietness and Productive Labor"
Learn to be Women of Prayer, Quietness and Productive Labor
Wives learn to be women of prayer, quietness and productive labor in good works - 1 Peter 3:1-6
3:1 In like manner, wives, be subject to your own husbands, that even if any disobey the word, they will be gained without the word through the manner of life of their wives, 2 Seeing with their own eyes your pure manner of life in fear. 3 Let your adorning not be the outward plaiting of hair and putting on of gold or clothing with garments, 4 But the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptible adornment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is very costly in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner formerly the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being subject to their own husbands, 6 As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you have become, if you do good and do not fear any terror.
The matter of quietness seems quite harsh for women especially in a society filled with feminism. But God is not being harsh or unreasonable. On the contrary He is protecting His interest and His created vessel in order to ensure people on the earth who will carry out His purpose. For sisters to learn in silence and to be in all subjection is for them to realize their position as women. This safeguards the sisters from the presumption of overstepping their position in the local church and bringing unnecessary temptation upon themselves.
Knowing the female gender and its weakness
The apostle Peter refers back to Eve's fall in the garden of Eden. As soon as a woman stands out it becomes a problem. This often creates problem in the marriage because she may see things better than her husband, she may have better insight than he does, and the tendency is to stand out. Eve was deceived by the serpent (Gen. 3:1-6) because she did not remain in subjection under the headship of Adam but overstepped her position to contact the evil tempter directly without her head being covered. Man's headship is woman's protection. (see 1 Timothy 2:9-15)
Seek not to stand out, but to pray
To stand out brings the imminent danger of Satan's temptation just as with Eve. We need to learn from history. The woman's covering is her husband. She is covered from Satan's attacks and temptations. Even a poor husband is a good covering to his wife! We are not referring to abuse cases or abnormal matters, but to situations where the husband lacks good judgment or is too wild, etc. One example of this was the case of a whimsical husband who always had some new crazy idea to try. The wife in the Lord's presence decided to support him in whatever he did (not sinful things). It took ten years of this kind of submission, but eventually they are serving the Lord with their full-time. She did not want to stand out on her own.
Peter tells the wife to seek not to stand out but to pray. Wives can seek Christ to have a spirit of quietness even when things are not right. A striking fact concerning wives and sisters is that nearly all the growth of the churches the Lord raises up comes through the sister's prayer individually or as a group. It is truly a blessed thing for sisters to gather together and pray for the Lord's economy on purpose in a locality and on the earth. Sisters who learn this lesson will not gather to gossip because they know the temptation and danger that exists. So many things go wrong in the church and so many “strange” brothers lead the church, and even servants of the Lord come with strange teachings that the Lord needs the sisters to support and bear His testimony in prayer. Gossip only opens sisters to Satan's attack and to his deceit over them.
1 Peter 3:4 speaks of wives having the “hidden man of the heart in the incorruptible adornment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is very costly in the sight of God.” That the hidden man of the heart has the incorruptible adornment of a meek and quiet spirit indicates that the meek and quiet spirit in us is the hidden man of our heart. Our heart is composed of all the parts of our soul·--mind, emotion, and will·--along with the main part of our spirit·--the conscience (Heb. 4:12). Among all these, our spirit is at the center; hence, our spirit is the hidden man of our heart. As wives, the sisters in the Lord should have as their adornment before God their inner being·--the hidden man of their heart, which is adorned with a meek and quiet spirit. This spiritual adornment is very costly in the sight of God, and it is incorruptible, not like the material adornment of the plaiting of hair or the putting on of gold and garments, which is corruptible.
Seek not to be known, but to be filled with good works
We want to emphasize the good works which are good works led by the Spirit and minister grace to others. Have we ever ministered grace by giving cookies or bread to someone? Sisters do a lot of this. Actually the heart of the healthy church life are sisters led by Christ in their prayer to fill their family, their extended family and to fill the church with good works. They may get a burden for another family who has for kids and give the parents a night out. This ministers grace to people. Sisters will cook food and take it to someone, and grace is ministered again and again in this way. People may not show it directly, but aren't we touched deeply when someone shows genuine care in such a practical way to us? Who would imagine the grace that can exude from a tuna casserole!
Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God's masterpiece. We like the part about being God's masterpiece. And this masterpiece is created in Christ Jesus. We like that also. Then the next phrase says, “For good works.” Isn't this interesting? We may take this in a doctrinal way: “Oh, yeh, good works are preaching the gospel, having a Bible study or…” But good works are good works out of the Lord's leading in our seeking of Him. Galatians backs up this thought in 6:10, “Do good to all men, but especially those of the household of faith.” These good works are from being led by the Lord to minister grace to others. We are not for raising up soup kitchens or prison ministries apart from God's economy. Peter admonishes the sisters not to get involved with the right and wrong's of the church or your husband, but to focus their energy and attention to contact the Lord through prayer and to fill my family with good works. Many times sisters can be led to support their husband in a variety of ways rendering life to them in their pursuing of Christ; in the way you cook, in what you cook, in the way you dress and treat him and your children. Proverbs 31 models a virtuous woman filled with good works in her family and eventually caused her family to become a beautiful testimony of the Lord's operation. The husband takes the leadership and the wife's hard work is the base of his operation.
Seek not to teach others by way of authority, but be an example in works
The testimony of the sisters, the wives, is in her good works, not her so-called spiritually. I have seen some sisters wanting to be so-called spiritual. They exhibit a certain demeanor that they are “spiritual.” The genuinely spiritual sisters in the church life are hidden because they are filled with inward prayer, with quietness and all kinds of works that minister grace to others. 1 Timothy 2:12 the apostle Paul says, “But I do not permit a woman to teach or to assert authority over a man, but to be in quietness.” To teach here means to teach with authority, to define and decide the meaning of doctrines concerning divine truth. For a woman to teach in this way or to exercise authority over a man is to leave her position. In God's creation man was ordained to be the head, and woman to be in subjection to man (1 Cor. 11:3). In the church this ordination should be kept.
Cherish the gift of childbearing
Women are saved through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15). Childbearing is a suffering. Suffering restricts and protects the fallen one from transgression. In bringing forth the child there certainly is the suffering but also the constant struggle to do good works to our children all their life. The woman must gain so much grace in raising their children. Sometimes it seems a mother raising three or four children her whole life is as least twice as spiritual in strength and insight as the husband who may serve the Lord in the church.
Remain in faith, love and holiness with sobriety
1 Timothy 2:9-10 says, “Similarly, that women adorn themselves in proper clothing with modesty and sobriety, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 But, what befits women professing godly reverence, by good works.” Sobriety refers to sobermindedness (2 Timothy 1:7), self-restraint; the restricting of oneself soberly and discreetly. The sisters in a local church should clothe themselves with these two virtues -- shame fastness and self-restraint -- as their demeanor. This is also mentioned in 1 Timothy 2:15. Shame fastness means to be bound or made fast by an honorable shame, implying not forward or overbold but moderate, observing the proprieties of womanhood.
Loving Your Family and Laboring for Them (Proverbs 31:10-31)
Love your family and labor for them in such a way as in Proverbs 31:10-31
Your husbands heart may trust in you (Proverbs 31:11)
Let me portray Proverbs to you and you can read it at the end of this message. The virtuous woman in Proverbs is making clothes for her family. “Clothes” for her family indicates their conduct. It is the wife who diligently labors to build virtues into her children. This is their clothing. The New Testament age is not the literal, physical age to make clothing, but refers to the spiritual application of ones demeanor or behavior in virtues. Often the stereotype of a Jewish mother depicts the fragrance set forth by such a virtuous woman. They never stop “nagging” the children, prodding them, following them around incessantly. They have something to say about every aspect of their kids lives. And what beautiful people they can produce! The mother is laboring all the time to produce virtue in her children and virtue in the whole family. The husband sees her labor and the result of her labor and his heart trusts in her. He is gained in his love for his wife by seeing how she labors with the children. It is not a matter of how spiritual you are, but how virtuous you are and how you instill these virtues into your children.
Your husband will prosper
This is a big point in Proverbs 31. No matter how great a husband thinks he is, he is only as great as his wife. There is the old adage that says, “Behind every great man is a woman!” This is very Biblical because it is the woman through all her good works in the home that ministers much grace to her family.
Your family may be rich in conduct and virtue through your labor (Proverbs 31:13-22, 24, 27)
Making her husband well known in the gates when he sits among the elders (Proverbs 31:23)
This is a beautiful picture of the wife's role and profound effect to her family. The husband becomes famous sitting among all the elders at the gate of the city. Who did all the work to produce such a man and family? The wife. She's the one who produced the man. This is why we need a spiritual view, especially in this age of feminism. Feminism has its good side like “equal work receives equal wages.” This is moral and right. However, the idea that the woman can stand out among men damages them. Without the covering of a man, a woman can easily succumb to Satan's attacks. Don't confuse a woman's getting a high education or a quality employment position with a woman standing out. The family determines how much a wife should work or how much she should develop in her career. There is something inside of a woman that corresponds to God's economy so that even if she is a professional and very successful, she will find the greatest joy in her life to support and stand with her husband for the family unit.
Gaining the praise of her children and husband (Proverbs 31:28)
At the end of a woman's life, the number of educational degrees she obtained, the amount of money she acquired, or the position she attained to will not be her glory and praise. No. A woman's glory and praise will be from her own children and husband. They become her praise. How the children turn out in their life time, how the husband develops over the years of their marriage is determined by the sister, the mother, the wife. This becomes the joy of the wife. This truth runs contrary to today's society where it says that career and self-choice produces satisfaction. No. A woman's true satisfaction comes when she sees the positive things in her children and her husband that she produced in her ministering of grace to them throughout their lives.
Thus making yourself full of strength and dignity (Proverbs 21:25), hopeful, with wisdom and kindness and you will receive the fruit of your hands and your works will praise you in the gates. (Proverbs 31:31)
All the struggling before the Lord in prayer, all the seeking of Christ to find grace to meet the need of her family produces the genuine reward and satisfaction according to God's purpose, not her own.
These messages concerning husbands and wives have set forth Biblical principles for the husbands and for the wives in order to seek the living God to carry them out. God's economy is to seek the Living Christ and allow Him to become the life and life supply to accomplish whatever He desires of us. With husbands in loving their wives, there are so many opportunities to experience the virtues of Christ toward our wives. But do we have them? We tend to correct and rebuke a lot, but do we find Christ for her sake to minister Christ to her. Whenever we seek Christ, the husband will have experiences of Christ to minister love to his wife in countless ways, whether through kindness, compassion, tender heartedness, forgiveness or mercy. Christ will be alive in our marriage. However, if we don't seek Him, they will be no genuine experiences of Christ. Usually the only time we have any experiences of Christ in our marriage is in dire emergencies when we are so desperate and needy.
In the same way, sisters need to seek the living Christ on behalf of her family. Her constant prayer will be, “Lord, what kinds of experience of You do I need to support my husband? What experience do I need to stand with him? To let him know that in everything that he is doing I am one with him? To let him know that I am taking care of the children? To labor with my children to produce virtues in all of them?” With this mindset and heart, all the opportunities to experience the living Christ are wide open to the wife.
Our goal in these messages is not merely to teach husband to love their wives nor for wives to raise good children, but to teach us how to experience Christ in new, fresh ways in our daily experience as believers. It will surprise us to see how the living Christ will bring us into a life of virtues rather than so-called “spiritual” living. It is possible that ninety percent of our living will not seem so spiritual with a lot of Bible verses backing up our every move, nor with a lot of outward gospel preaching. But the virtues of compassion, long-suffering, and many more will be expressed to minister grace to others. This becomes the ground work to spread His gospel of grace in virtues everywhere and to everyone. The multitude of potential experiences of Christ in our marriage life and with our children is the base of the church life in order to minister grace as a corporate entity.
PROVERBS 31:10-31
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise [is] good: her candle goes not out by night. 19 She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing [is] silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes fine linen, and sells [it]; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honor [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praises her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. 30 Favor [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. [These notes have not been reviewed by the speaker – Chuck Debelak]
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