Third, a person must pray much and ask God to give him strength. Paul told the Corinthians that women should not speak in the meetings, and that they should ask their husbands at home if they wanted to learn anything (1 Cor. 14:34-35). The husband refers to those who can assume headship. If your wife asks you something at home, are you able to answer her? Today many sisters are better than their husbands. If Paul were to write again today, I am afraid that he may have to tell the husbands to go home to ask their wives! If you are not proper before the Lord, you will not be able to act as a head in a proper way. One cannot force his way to be a head; one is a head spontaneously. You have to reclaim your lost position. You cannot say that you are not smart and therefore cannot be the head. You may not be as smart as your wife, but do you believe in James's promise? James said, "But if any one of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and does not reproach, and it will be given to him" (1:5). I fully believe that you will receive, but you have to ask of God. It is useless to put on an air of authority at home. You have to be firm in your attitude, meek in spirit, and act in wisdom so that you can earn your wife's respect.
It hurts me to see many brothers losing their headship without knowing why they lost it. If you seek the Lord, you will find one interesting thing—there is a reason for every case of a loss of headship. After you have confessed your sins thoroughly and found the reasons for your failure, you should pray to recover your headship. Then you should call a family conference (of course, you have to pray about it properly ahead of time) and confess to your wife saying, "During the past years, I have let you take over the headship. Please forgive my sin. From this point forward, I will no longer allow you to be the head." Then read what the Bible says about the matter of headship to her. Some women may not be able to take this; they may start arguing with their husbands. They may cry, refuse to eat, or smash objects around the house. They may lose their temper, but you cannot lose your temper. You cannot assume the headship with your temper. A head must be firm in attitude and meek in spirit. Your wife may cry or shout, but you should continue to smile at her. You have to deal with her with gentleness, but you have to apply the Lord's strength. You must not let this matter go. If she becomes agitated, you have to remain patient. No matter what she does, you cannot fight with her. Yet you must be firm in your attitude. As long as something should be done a certain way, insist that it be done in that way and never waver. Firmness is an expression of strength.
Unbelievers dominate their wives with their temper, arguments, or even threats. You do not need to do this, nor should you do this. Your wife may fight in many ways, but you have to exercise your strength to stand firm on your ground. She can scold you, but you have to continue to smile. At the same time, you cannot let your headship slip away through a moment of carelessness. You must never act according to your emotion. If your headship slips away through a moment of frivolity, it will be hard for you to regain it later. Every husband has to learn this lesson.
Remember that you will not only be judged for your personal life, work, and sins at the judgment seat; you will also be judged for your wife and family. Therefore, you should never be loose and always bear in mind the judgment on that day. It is easy to allow the woman to be the head, and you may even suffer less vexation this way. But you will lose many blessings from the Lord. We have to carefully deal with the matter of the wife assuming the headship.